Matter of the Heart

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" - Jeremiah 17:9
"The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out." - Proverbs 20:5
"As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man."- Proverbs 27:19
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." - Proverbs 4:23

So, I'm in a semi solemn mood tonight. Not always a good thing. I tend to think too much when I get this way. Obviously, the topic for my pondering this time is man's heart. What a mysterious thing. Can you actually ever know it? ...I don't believe so. And even more - can you actually ever know your own heart? It's a ridiculous thought really. Of course you're suppose to know the reasons behind your own decisions and motives! But sometimes I wonder if we actually do. We're so good at tricking ourselves sometimes. To realize it, you have to pay attention and look for it. "It's a matter of the heart" is a phrase I've heard used a lot recently. It's a pretty common "Jesus-jargon" phrase basically meaning "I don't know, only you can decide if your motives are actually God-glorifying." But can you? You can check yourself, but if not continually checking yourself - you're gonna slip. I've started so many things with the right motives only to get months down the road and realize not only did I no longer have the right motives, but I actually had grown to loathe the very thing I started to glorify God with. So many people have good intentions... but then life happens - and you end up completely forgetting the good intentions, turning it into something required, and eventually realizing that you've now created an entirely avoidable issue.
So how do you tell? How do you keep your heart in check? I said earlier that I didn't think you could really know your heart. Let me clarify - I don't think you can know the heart in its own nature. However, what you can know is how you train it and how you train it is what it will become. I'll share a little about my own experience.
It's a day by day thing. Each day, each moment, each choice- you can go two ways. You can go a way that would be comfortable and easy, or you can go the way that the Lord is calling you to. Even in the simple things. It's not always the easiest choice. Sometimes I really just want to roll over and hit the snooze one more time, promising God I'll get to Him later that day. This is generally the biggest mistake of my day. I have come to find that, in my personal life, until I wake up and acknowledge God and dedicate the day to Him - I'm going to have a really hard day. It starts right there for me. My eyes open and the first thing I try to think is "G'morning God. :)" Trust me - it's not easy - I am NOT a morning person! But if I don't start my day off right - let's just say it's not pretty. I'm more distant from God throughout the day, I'm shorter with people, and I'm shorter with myself. In this mindset I really can't be all that God has given me the potential to be. It's a lot easier to keep your heart right, if you start it right. (Don't mistake me - I'm not one of those people claiming you HAVE to have your devotion in the morning. I'm just saying that even though I'm probably the most awful morning person you've ever seen, I've learned to swallow that because of how much it helps me keep my heart right throughout the day.) After I've started my day right, it becomes a lot easier to talk to God throughout the day - this continues to keep my heart right. I try to notice Him in the things around me as often as I can (if you haven't read it yet, go find my entry "Untitled" in January '10) and thank Him for His presence. No - I'm not "super godly." This is not something that came naturally to me - it's something I have trained and still am training myself to do. As one of my friends once said "Good habits are painful to learn until they become habits." It's true - rarely if ever are good habits easy or natural. From here, if you continue paying attention, keeping your heart right flows into everything you do and everything you touch. If you are consciously striving to keep your heart right before God, you will realize that the only thing that matters is what He wants you to do - and that becomes all you want to do. It seems trivial, the decisions that result in a right heart, but just like anything else- it's built. Like a wall made of many bricks, the sky made of many stars, or a field with each little blade of grass - they wouldn't be the same without every indiviual detail. In the same way, when it comes down to it, choice by choice - your life and the way you live it is a matter of the heart.