It's one of the hottest debated topics today. It's touchy. It's difficult. It's abortion.
I'm not going to preach. I'm not going to point a finger. I'm not going to condemn.
No - I don't believe in abortion. But neither do I believe in condemning someone who's seeking forgiveness for their past and hope for their future.
I wasn't seeking this topic, it just kinda ran across my path when I was looking at a blog and found this video:
I guess I just wanted to say this:
To the children who never got to see the world- you are loved!
And to the men and women who have experienced an abortion- you are loved!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
A Whole New World
"Tell me, Princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?"
I honestly can't remember...
But now. Today. Here. Where I am. This is what my heart has decided. And I might as well be flying on a magic carpet for the freedom I feel! The best part is that my heart and God's will are combining. And only with that can I feel true freedom as I do.
"Is this how normal people feel?" I asked one of my close girlfriends. She laughed and replied "Normal-abnormal is the only normal."
I kinda love her.
I kinda love life.
And if I'd stop stressing about it long enough - right now - it'd be just about perfect. :)
It doesn't make sense. I can't figure it out. And I am SO ok with that.
I was once told that I was a walking contradiction. I kinda internalized that and made it my mo. I figured, "Well - it's true so I might as well embrace it!" But I took it the wrong way. I took it from the negative standpoint. That the fact that I'm always fighting myself proved that much more what a hypocrite I am. Then something clicked... What if I weren't fighting myself? All this time I had viewed fighting myself as a struggle that "good" people don't deal with. But this mind-shift made me realize something. That logic came of false truth. That logic came from the "fact" that I was good at heart and had this awful flaw to conceal from the world because I'm suppose to be good! Funny thing is... I'm not good at my core. So the fact that I'm fighting myself - the fact that I'm a walking contradiction- maybe that's not such a bad thing after all... In fact, maybe- being a walking contradiction is not only exactly what I should be - but exactly what I want to be. You see - the day I stop fighting myself is the day I lose. Kinda ironic... Kinda God. Haha. :)
"For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin." - Romans 7:15-25
Thank you, Paul!
G'night all!
I honestly can't remember...
But now. Today. Here. Where I am. This is what my heart has decided. And I might as well be flying on a magic carpet for the freedom I feel! The best part is that my heart and God's will are combining. And only with that can I feel true freedom as I do.
"Is this how normal people feel?" I asked one of my close girlfriends. She laughed and replied "Normal-abnormal is the only normal."
I kinda love her.
I kinda love life.
And if I'd stop stressing about it long enough - right now - it'd be just about perfect. :)
It doesn't make sense. I can't figure it out. And I am SO ok with that.
I was once told that I was a walking contradiction. I kinda internalized that and made it my mo. I figured, "Well - it's true so I might as well embrace it!" But I took it the wrong way. I took it from the negative standpoint. That the fact that I'm always fighting myself proved that much more what a hypocrite I am. Then something clicked... What if I weren't fighting myself? All this time I had viewed fighting myself as a struggle that "good" people don't deal with. But this mind-shift made me realize something. That logic came of false truth. That logic came from the "fact" that I was good at heart and had this awful flaw to conceal from the world because I'm suppose to be good! Funny thing is... I'm not good at my core. So the fact that I'm fighting myself - the fact that I'm a walking contradiction- maybe that's not such a bad thing after all... In fact, maybe- being a walking contradiction is not only exactly what I should be - but exactly what I want to be. You see - the day I stop fighting myself is the day I lose. Kinda ironic... Kinda God. Haha. :)
"For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin." - Romans 7:15-25
Thank you, Paul!
G'night all!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
One More Time
Funny how things coincide at the "randomest" times... ;)
Tonight we began a new series at Wired going through Jonah. Since we just started we haven't gotten to the redemption part yet, but I had to smile with the little stuff that clicked while Matt was speaking. Stuff about how the person running from God was usually the last one to notice while everyone else - including nonbelievers - were wondering why you were taking the stupidest most dangerous path possible...
A little later after that, a really good friend and I hung out and were talking about second chances. So many times we judge on first glance that we don't get to see the essence of a person until we step back and take a second look.
The whole night gave me a HUGE appreciation for second chances! And right as I was about to go to bed I thought back to the origin of second chances (Christ) and Jonah. Then, Veggie Tales popped into my head... For those of you who don't know this about me: 1- I LOVE Veggie Tales! 2- When I get a song stuck in my head, it's there until I listen to it. So I figured instead of dreaming of talking veggies, I'd just listen to the song. :) Then I thought I should share! :) (I know! I'm so nice!) ;)
Praise God that He is a God of second chances! G'night! :)
Tonight we began a new series at Wired going through Jonah. Since we just started we haven't gotten to the redemption part yet, but I had to smile with the little stuff that clicked while Matt was speaking. Stuff about how the person running from God was usually the last one to notice while everyone else - including nonbelievers - were wondering why you were taking the stupidest most dangerous path possible...
A little later after that, a really good friend and I hung out and were talking about second chances. So many times we judge on first glance that we don't get to see the essence of a person until we step back and take a second look.
The whole night gave me a HUGE appreciation for second chances! And right as I was about to go to bed I thought back to the origin of second chances (Christ) and Jonah. Then, Veggie Tales popped into my head... For those of you who don't know this about me: 1- I LOVE Veggie Tales! 2- When I get a song stuck in my head, it's there until I listen to it. So I figured instead of dreaming of talking veggies, I'd just listen to the song. :) Then I thought I should share! :) (I know! I'm so nice!) ;)
Praise God that He is a God of second chances! G'night! :)
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Dr. Seuss' Map
"Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you."- Dr. Seuss
Why so often, do I go looking for who I am when the answer is just ME? Why do I feel so inadequate that I plan out a journey to discover myself, when I already AM? All too often I get so caught up in discovering who I am as a person that I forget I already AM as a person. I look for adventure and anything to answer part of my question while the very answer I'm seeking travels with me every step I search. I'm so intent on finding the answer that I fail to see - I AM the answer.
I look everywhere! I look in other people's views of me- friends, family, and nobodies alike. I look in the world's standard of a person. I look in author's representations of the "perfect person" or "perfect Christian." I look at magazines, websites, friend networking sites, ANYTHING! So often I feel like I've traveled the world again and again, seeking who it is I am and who I'm suppose to be, all the while I have been and continue to be. All the while, if I'd stop looking and see - I'd get my answer.
Maybe it won't be the answer I want. Maybe it won't look how I'd like. But the answer doesn't have to be stagnate. In fact - if the answer WERE stagnate life would be over. The sheer fact that the answer will grow and change is the very evidence that I am alive!
I've spent my life looking for life - all the while having it and wasting it. Life is as I am. I've spent so much time making sure I took every proper step that I haven't gotten anywhere. I've spent my life breathing and trying to figure out why I can't see oxygen instead of using the fact that - it works!- and running with it.
I've spent my life looking for me instead of being me.
I don't want that anymore. And step by step - I'm going to try to live. To be me. The me I am. And maybe keep in my head a little of Dr. Seuss' advice... "there is no one alive who is youer than you."
Why so often, do I go looking for who I am when the answer is just ME? Why do I feel so inadequate that I plan out a journey to discover myself, when I already AM? All too often I get so caught up in discovering who I am as a person that I forget I already AM as a person. I look for adventure and anything to answer part of my question while the very answer I'm seeking travels with me every step I search. I'm so intent on finding the answer that I fail to see - I AM the answer.
I look everywhere! I look in other people's views of me- friends, family, and nobodies alike. I look in the world's standard of a person. I look in author's representations of the "perfect person" or "perfect Christian." I look at magazines, websites, friend networking sites, ANYTHING! So often I feel like I've traveled the world again and again, seeking who it is I am and who I'm suppose to be, all the while I have been and continue to be. All the while, if I'd stop looking and see - I'd get my answer.
Maybe it won't be the answer I want. Maybe it won't look how I'd like. But the answer doesn't have to be stagnate. In fact - if the answer WERE stagnate life would be over. The sheer fact that the answer will grow and change is the very evidence that I am alive!
I've spent my life looking for life - all the while having it and wasting it. Life is as I am. I've spent so much time making sure I took every proper step that I haven't gotten anywhere. I've spent my life breathing and trying to figure out why I can't see oxygen instead of using the fact that - it works!- and running with it.
I've spent my life looking for me instead of being me.
I don't want that anymore. And step by step - I'm going to try to live. To be me. The me I am. And maybe keep in my head a little of Dr. Seuss' advice... "there is no one alive who is youer than you."
Monday, September 6, 2010
This New Life
Something amazing has happened! Something so wonderful I really can't use words to express it. Over these past few weeks - and really even months, I have learned so much. Though often times the lessons were painful they have changed me in a way I wouldn't give up for the world. I haven't been the only one who thought so either, thankfully. :) I've had several people look at me and say "Meagan, something's different..." I'm so glad to know that it is a visible change! I've been gentler, more patient, and even HAPPY! It's wonderful! I'm taking time to just enjoy life and I'm loving it! Haha!
But no change comes without reason. Unfortunately a change for the better means that there is a change FROM the worse. (And while not all changes are for the better if they ARE they're changing from the worse.) Every person has a history as every story has a background. And many aren't proud of their pasts. Despite that, they simultaneously try to hold on to that past. This is the place I was stuck at. I knew that I was forgiven and tried living my life accordingly but for some reason couldn't manage to get myself out of my past and move on. Because of this I've always been wary of anytime I WAS happy because I knew it was only temporary as my guilt and depression would come back after the moment was over. I was so resigned to this fact that I got to the point were I didn't even try to fight it anymore.
When I first noticed this change about three weeks ago I was hesitant at first. But my joy didn't leave and after about the first week and a half I began accepting it - hoping it would last. I began to get use it it - even embracing and desiring it. Another week and a half past and I headed home for the Labor Day weekend when I started realizing that it had been three weeks and started wondering when something was going to give.
I was in church this morning when I realized several things that made me glow with praise to my heavenly Father. I realized that probably one of the greatest contributing factors to this (aside from all the lessons I've learned recently and tried to maintain and apply) was that I had prayed to God to give me a new heart acknowledging that while I knew I was forgiven, I still felt a if I had the same old heart. Second, I had a face to face with Satan. It was as if, in the middle of church, Satan had walked right up to me and said: "I'm sorry, but you need to come back with me. You know everything you've done. You know you're not fit to be here. Just come with me know and there won't be a fuss." And it dawned on me. For the first time - I remembered my request for a new heart and it fell into place. I claimed my association with Christ telling Satan that Christ had "pulled my out of the miry clay and set my feet upon a rock." I told Satan "I am a new person with a new heart. You no longer have any sway over me. I have a past, but it's not who I am anymore - I'm different - completely different - I'm new. I don't have to go back with you and I don't want to! I have nothing to say to you. If you want me to go back with you - you're going to have to talk to HIM *pointing in Christ's direction* - not me!" Christ walked up behind me at the invitation gently placing His arm protectively around my waist. Satan looked at us. With a twinge of frustration and defeat evident on his face he turned and walked away - silent. I was stuck with the realization that for so long, I had chosen to staying my muck and mire - only God know why! Then again, HE probably didn't even get it - He just waited - patiently, gently wooing me despite my determination to stop my ears to him.
I've decided that "Safe" by Britt Nicole is Jesus' and my song. :)
I use to think that I couldn't have a testimony because I never had the chance to do anything really that bad... I knew I was forgiven, but I didn't know how to go beyond that. I held myself to the mire of my past. But now - now I see that Christ is not only my Lord, but He truly is my Savior as well. He "set my feet upon the rock, and now I know, I love Him, I need Him. Though my world may fall, I'll never let Him go. He's my Savior and my closest friend. I will worship Him until the very end."
I realized over these past few months and am just now able to put it into words: I've spent my whole life chasing dreams that were suppose to give me joy, but they kept escaping me. Now I've come to a place where I've handed over my dreams to God and found a joy I can't escape. Cliche'? Maybe. But does it make it less true if it's said with belief and meaning? Because I'm living proof that the above "cliche'" is true.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow. To Him be the glory, and honor, and praise forevermore. Amen.
But no change comes without reason. Unfortunately a change for the better means that there is a change FROM the worse. (And while not all changes are for the better if they ARE they're changing from the worse.) Every person has a history as every story has a background. And many aren't proud of their pasts. Despite that, they simultaneously try to hold on to that past. This is the place I was stuck at. I knew that I was forgiven and tried living my life accordingly but for some reason couldn't manage to get myself out of my past and move on. Because of this I've always been wary of anytime I WAS happy because I knew it was only temporary as my guilt and depression would come back after the moment was over. I was so resigned to this fact that I got to the point were I didn't even try to fight it anymore.
When I first noticed this change about three weeks ago I was hesitant at first. But my joy didn't leave and after about the first week and a half I began accepting it - hoping it would last. I began to get use it it - even embracing and desiring it. Another week and a half past and I headed home for the Labor Day weekend when I started realizing that it had been three weeks and started wondering when something was going to give.
I was in church this morning when I realized several things that made me glow with praise to my heavenly Father. I realized that probably one of the greatest contributing factors to this (aside from all the lessons I've learned recently and tried to maintain and apply) was that I had prayed to God to give me a new heart acknowledging that while I knew I was forgiven, I still felt a if I had the same old heart. Second, I had a face to face with Satan. It was as if, in the middle of church, Satan had walked right up to me and said: "I'm sorry, but you need to come back with me. You know everything you've done. You know you're not fit to be here. Just come with me know and there won't be a fuss." And it dawned on me. For the first time - I remembered my request for a new heart and it fell into place. I claimed my association with Christ telling Satan that Christ had "pulled my out of the miry clay and set my feet upon a rock." I told Satan "I am a new person with a new heart. You no longer have any sway over me. I have a past, but it's not who I am anymore - I'm different - completely different - I'm new. I don't have to go back with you and I don't want to! I have nothing to say to you. If you want me to go back with you - you're going to have to talk to HIM *pointing in Christ's direction* - not me!" Christ walked up behind me at the invitation gently placing His arm protectively around my waist. Satan looked at us. With a twinge of frustration and defeat evident on his face he turned and walked away - silent. I was stuck with the realization that for so long, I had chosen to staying my muck and mire - only God know why! Then again, HE probably didn't even get it - He just waited - patiently, gently wooing me despite my determination to stop my ears to him.
I've decided that "Safe" by Britt Nicole is Jesus' and my song. :)
I use to think that I couldn't have a testimony because I never had the chance to do anything really that bad... I knew I was forgiven, but I didn't know how to go beyond that. I held myself to the mire of my past. But now - now I see that Christ is not only my Lord, but He truly is my Savior as well. He "set my feet upon the rock, and now I know, I love Him, I need Him. Though my world may fall, I'll never let Him go. He's my Savior and my closest friend. I will worship Him until the very end."
I realized over these past few months and am just now able to put it into words: I've spent my whole life chasing dreams that were suppose to give me joy, but they kept escaping me. Now I've come to a place where I've handed over my dreams to God and found a joy I can't escape. Cliche'? Maybe. But does it make it less true if it's said with belief and meaning? Because I'm living proof that the above "cliche'" is true.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow. To Him be the glory, and honor, and praise forevermore. Amen.
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