A Whole New World

"Tell me, Princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?"

I honestly can't remember...

But now. Today. Here. Where I am. This is what my heart has decided. And I might as well be flying on a magic carpet for the freedom I feel! The best part is that my heart and God's will are combining. And only with that can I feel true freedom as I do.

"Is this how normal people feel?" I asked one of my close girlfriends. She laughed and replied "Normal-abnormal is the only normal."

I kinda love her.

I kinda love life.

And if I'd stop stressing about it long enough - right now - it'd be just about perfect. :)

It doesn't make sense. I can't figure it out. And I am SO ok with that.

I was once told that I was a walking contradiction. I kinda internalized that and made it my mo. I figured, "Well - it's true so I might as well embrace it!" But I took it the wrong way. I took it from the negative standpoint. That the fact that I'm always fighting myself proved that much more what a hypocrite I am. Then something clicked... What if I weren't fighting myself? All this time I had viewed fighting myself as a struggle that "good" people don't deal with. But this mind-shift made me realize something. That logic came of false truth. That logic came from the "fact" that I was good at heart and had this awful flaw to conceal from the world because I'm suppose to be good! Funny thing is... I'm not good at my core. So the fact that I'm fighting myself - the fact that I'm a walking contradiction- maybe that's not such a bad thing after all... In fact, maybe- being a walking contradiction is not only exactly what I should be - but exactly what I want to be. You see - the day I stop fighting myself is the day I lose. Kinda ironic... Kinda God. Haha. :)

"For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin." - Romans 7:15-25

Thank you, Paul!

G'night all!