Saturday, January 29, 2011

Value in a Reflection

Katie Maurice... It makes me smile whenever I think of this name. She's a sweet, spunky young girl with bright red hair who's incredibly understanding. She knows just how to listen- probably better than anyone you've ever met. When you laugh - she laughs; when you cry - she cries; when you hurt she hurts with you. Often I've found myself envying her sweet ways and personality.

Katie's my oldest friend. I met her when I was about 8 or 9 and we've never lost touch. Proverbs 17:17 says "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity." Katie's definitely been there with me through everything. Our conversations are filled with her challenges to better myself, hold on, or straighten up. Just like anyone else - she's not perfect but her ability to empathize is incomparable and her honesty is sometimes brutal in its truthfulness. Sometimes this is what I need - sometimes it isn't. Her counsel can range from Biblical - to an echo reinforcing my deepest fears. Katie has the ability to build me up or tear me down better than anyone I know. She knows everything about me (all my mess and success)and has no qualms about telling me just what she thinks. Sometimes all I want to do is get her to shut up!

But there's something strange about Katie. Through all her encouragement and consolation - sometimes, when I look in her eyes, what I see scares me. She has an intensity about her that is close to unfathomable. When I look in her eyes and see them darken... when she looks back at me and I know she knows more than I realized... it all but steals my breath. It's almost as if sharing something with her intensifies the experience or emotion I was feeling to begin with. It's almost as if she's telling me "I know you and I can make or break you at my will."
Please don't think ill of her for this! The thing is - she's right. She can.

If there's anything I've learned from Katie it's the dangers of listening to others for my self worth. But more than that- she hasn't just taught me the dangers of listening to others for my self worth - she's teaching me the dangers of listening to ME for my self worth. The reason I know Katie can make or break me faster than anyone is because Katie Maurice, is me.

"I used to pretend that my reflection... was another little girl. I called her Katie Maurice..." ~Anne (from Anne of Green Gables ch. 8)

2 comments:

Jess said...

Love this... Anne's character has always astounded me by its depth and ability to relate to me. I honestly think she's one of the best characters ever born from a writer's pen. Another good "Anneism" - "The little things of life, sweet and excellent in their place, must not he the things lived for: the highest must be sought after and followed; the life of heaven must be begun here on earth."

Meagan said...

:) Thanks. I was just realizing that I knew better than to let others tear me down - but I sure do it to myself often enough... and that's just as dangerous. Anne's Katie came to mind in how much she used her reflection to define herself (coping-wise).