How many times has a second guess been long enough to kill the mission?
Ya, ya, ya - I know... I'll clarify. Ok, how about this:
How many times have I "thought better" and settled because of it. Seeds of doubt are a horrible thing to have to fight because they are in your head- you can't fight them with normal tactics- it's a mind game. The problem that I have continually encountered and seen so many other Christians stumble because of is just that: doubt. There are so many ways to go with this - so many "sermons" I could preach. But that's not what I want to do. I don't even know what I want to say, I just want it to resinate in a way that greatly reduces the victories Satan "wins" because of our doubt.
The account of Peter walking on water comes to my mind. I once heard it pointed out that Peter didn't doubt Jesus when he began sinking - rather he realized exactly what it was he was doing, then realizing that it wasn't physically possible, doubted and began to sink. How many times as Christians do we "get smart" with God and even when we're not 100% sure exactly HOW (and I'm sure that's more often than not), we're suppose to "walk by faith and not by sight" (2Cor5:7). I was confessing doubt to my mentor, explaining to her that I had begun really thinking about what it was I felt God calling me to do and all of a sudden I felt SO inadequate and a bunch of "what if's" rushed me. She countered with "We're all inadequate. Besides, if we were adequate, wouldn't that be pride?" She went on to cover that, of course, there's a difference between having a gift and using it and being adequate. Some things we can do adequately because we are good at them, but that's not all we're called to do. Ultimately, it's God doing the work, anyway, right? So... 1)Why are we worried about being adequate, because 2) God's not going to let something HE wills with HIS name on it fall flat on the ground because He didn't come through. That's just goofy. And sadly, a lot of times, this is what my "reasoning" boils down to. I'm reminded of one of my favorite poems. Here's a snippet, see what you think:
"We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous, (used by God)?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
...
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us."
-Marianne Williamson *(added by me)
If you call yourself a Christian- you are a child of God. Do you get that?! You! Son/Daughter of GOD! Why then are we so afraid of doubt? Why then do we allow doubt to have such and immobilizing grip on us? We have the power to fight back - to WIN - if we would just take advantage of it! If we truly are who we say we are - why don't we act like it, and maybe, just maybe, show doubt the door.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
The Lifetime of a Moment
This is a post, I wrote while at camp this summer, but wasn't able to put on here until now...
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The Lifetime of a Moment
I was walking across campus tonight and noticed that the night sky was unusually bright. It was perfect. For any of you who know me, that’s a HUGE hug from God to me. I love it.
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The Lifetime of a Moment
I was walking across campus tonight and noticed that the night sky was unusually bright. It was perfect. For any of you who know me, that’s a HUGE hug from God to me. I love it.
My mind wandered to the girls I’m working with this week. Two of them are unsaved and one has managed to test me in every way possible – and it’s only day one! Day one of week six! It’s incredible to believe how long it’s been, I’ve never been much of a summer girl, so the fact that I’m working through my summer to the effect of basically not having one hasn’t really bothered me. But on week six, it’s finally hitting. I’m realizing that, selfishly, I’d kinda like a break that lasted longer than two days split over three. I look around and I see my fellow workers reading books and carrying on much desperately desired adult conversation while their children play, contentedly enough, a few yards away. My own fleshly desires scream to join them and right when I decide it’s really ok if I “slack” a little (I mean this is a DESERVED slack if anything EVER was!) My sweet little trouble child runs up, tackling me in a hug and voicing yet another complaint. I don’t know whether to smother her in an instinctive embrace or scream because she’s about put me at wit’s end! I struggle with coddling and providing the love she’s crying out for and shooting down her incessant whining. How do I show God’s love while refusing to permit a negative environment? I wish I could just grab a book and tell her to go play. But this is a moment – handed to me on a silver tray. Yes, it’s week six. Yes, if it’s possible I “deserve” a break. But it hits me and I realize: every moment I take for me, I take FROM her. From this precious treasure I’ve been given for the short span of four days spread over five. Every moment I take for me – I steal from her. Time stands still like it does with the literal and actual realization of every moment. Like when you realize right after “I do” that you’re actually married. Like when you see your child’s face for the first time and realize there’s no going back. Like the instant the headlights are all you see and the next moment is black. The realizations that make you catch your breath.
Now, I’m not talking about self-negligence. I’ll be the first to tell you that you can’t help others if you haven’t taken care of yourself. But think about it. The chance to take advantage of every moment and change a life for eternity! WOW! What an opportunity! What an honor! And yet we live our lives waiting for the “moment of a lifetime!” while the lifetime of each moment passes us steadily by. I hug her back and manage some sort of effort at turning her thoughts to positive things using godly reasoning. My flesh rolls its eyes and I am reminded that I am called to walk in the Spirit and not of my own strength. I call on Him and set my book down. I’ve been given the privilege of modeling and presenting the most important thing in the world to these girls and I have less than a week to do it. And I’ve been given the privilege of seeing the lifetime of a moment.
“Do not grow weary in doing what is right for in due time we will reap the reward if we faint not.” ~Gal 6:9
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Two days later, my precious little girl accepted Christ as her personal "boss and rescuer" <3>
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Two days later, my precious little girl accepted Christ as her personal "boss and rescuer" <3>
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
What's the Difference?
So... after an amazing summer (I hope to post a blog that I scribbled down during this past summer later) I am glad to say I've learned a lot. As great as that is, the biggest lesson I learned is that if I don't actively apply the lessons I learn, they might as well have never have happened. Duh! Ya - I know. But how many of us live that? It makes sense - it's a head knowledge - but what's the difference? If I actually believe it - what's the difference? How am I any different than anyone else? How are my standards, morals, actions, motives - how is my lifestyle - any different? And what's the point of believing something if it doesn't change who I am?
What's the difference?
I was discussing this with a friend toward the end of the summer posing the question "what's the difference" and they replied with something I hadn't even thought of: "One's a liar."
Huh! So not only am I smudging what God would have me to be when I am suppose to be the light of the world and sharing the truth - I'm flat out LYING if I don't follow "I'm a Christian" with God's desire for my lifestyle. At least they aren't claiming to be something they're not... Ouch! That hit me hard this summer. I was around over 1000 girls this summer who all knew that I am a Christian -and I was made sharply aware of the fact that they were looking at me to see what exactly that meant. The amazing responsibility and opportunity that placed before me was overwhelming in the best of ways. It challenged me to step up my game and live what I claim. It challenged me to be different - truly different - not just in word but in lifestyle. I hope with all that is in me that I am able to rise to the challenge and represent Jesus Christ faithfully. I hope to be different.
What's the difference?
I was discussing this with a friend toward the end of the summer posing the question "what's the difference" and they replied with something I hadn't even thought of: "One's a liar."
Huh! So not only am I smudging what God would have me to be when I am suppose to be the light of the world and sharing the truth - I'm flat out LYING if I don't follow "I'm a Christian" with God's desire for my lifestyle. At least they aren't claiming to be something they're not... Ouch! That hit me hard this summer. I was around over 1000 girls this summer who all knew that I am a Christian -and I was made sharply aware of the fact that they were looking at me to see what exactly that meant. The amazing responsibility and opportunity that placed before me was overwhelming in the best of ways. It challenged me to step up my game and live what I claim. It challenged me to be different - truly different - not just in word but in lifestyle. I hope with all that is in me that I am able to rise to the challenge and represent Jesus Christ faithfully. I hope to be different.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
By Faith
“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” – Hebrews 11:1
We’ve all heard of and know the “Faith Chapter” or “Hall of Faith,” however you choose to refer to it. But I want to take a minute and ask you: “You’ve heard of it, but do you know it? You know it, but do you understand it?” I can’t remember how many times I’ve heard and read this chapter. For encouragement, for whatever, it’s a wonderful passage of scripture. But this morning, as I was doing my devotion (I’m once again going through Hebrews), I began reading determined not to see the same ‘ole same ‘ole. Encouraging whether it’s your first time to read it or your thousandth, I didn’t want to skim it simply because I could practically quote it. I went in looking for something new. Looking for a lesson – something to learn and grow from. Looking for something I hadn’t seen yet. And here is what I saw:
Verse six is probably just as well known a verse as verse one: “And without faith it is impossible to please him, for everyone who would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.” Ok. That’s simple enough. “Without faith it is impossible to please him…” Well unless you have faith, you won’t believe and have no reason to please, so, of course… and it continues into the next part of the verse: “…for everyone who would draw near to God must believe that he exists…” how do you get closer to something you don’t believe exists? Pause. Ok. That’s easy. That’s understandable. As humans, I think we have that part down pat. You believe or you don’t and based on whether or not you believe, you will do different things with your life. You will try to please God or you won’t care. As Christians, we’re covered to this point. Obviously, we believe and, hopefully, that belief would inspire a desire to please the one we believe in. But unfortunately, I think that this is where a lot of us stop. “Ok. There’s a God. I believe in him and I’m going to do my best to please him with my life. But if it’s inconvenient, then, well we’ll see – I’ll just do my best. I mean, he can’t ask for more, right?” And we live our lives. Our “best” consists of: “Thank you for this food and protect my family” and “Shoot! I forgot to read my Bible today! Oh well, I’ll read Psalm 23 and he’ll be happy I read his word, then I can go to bed!” and we never actually live for him. Or maybe – maybe we get the prayer and Bible reading thing down. “Oh ya! I pray first thing after waking up and even through the whole day and don’t forget that hour long devotion/journal session I had this morning! Yep! God got a good deal on me!” But the truth is that even though we’re talking to him, we’re not listening to him. Our Bible reading is just that – reading – and we’re not actually working to apply anything that we might have seen. We’re not actually reading with the intention of finding a lesson, we’re just writing our own little commentary about the Bible and occasionally think, “Huh, that’s really cool,” but forget about it as soon as the journal closes. Or maybe we’ve allowed God to infiltrate our life but we don’t exactly understand what that means. Honestly – I’ve been in all three of those stages. Currently, I’m in the last. Desiring for God to consume my life, but hesitant with the question of “How much do I let him have?” See, the Bible makes it very clear that God’s ways are not our ways. And I can tell you right now that some of the most obvious times that I’ve seen God work in and through me have been when I was doing something so off the wall that I myself would have never contemplated going there. I’m reminded of Paul saying “If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you.” in 2 Corinthians 5:13. See Hebrews 11:6 goes beyond pleasing God and believing in him. It continues: “AND that he rewards those who seek him.” Now stop for a moment. Do you actually believe that God rewards you? I think that a lot of us think “after all I’ve done and he’s already done, I don’t deserve to be rewarded.” And we would be right. But I’m not talking about us. I’m talking about him. See it’s not our call what he does and doesn’t give us. We can certainly ask for certain gifts and we can certainly refuse to use the gifts he gives us, but I want to take this beyond even that.
“Do you believe God has the power to reward you?” Really. Because according to this verse, you must not only believe that he exists, but you must believe that he rewards. And if you believe that he rewards, then why aren’t you looking for them? Why are you content to sit and passively accept what has been given you as enough rather than getting up and seeking out the rewards he has promised? And don’t tell me it’s because you’re humble. That’s manure. God is saying right here, in this itty bitty verse, a key that I think a lot of us, myself included, have missed. Christianity isn’t just about believing in God and living your life so that you’re not in too much trouble with him when you die. Christianity is about believing in a POWERFUL God who not only exists, but permeates every part of our being with himself and overflows us with rewards. I’ve heard so many people ask “Why does God let so and so happen?” Maybe it’s because we refuse to believe he’s powerful enough to use us, so we refuse him access. God REWARDS those who seek him. Faith isn’t just believing in an existence, guys. It’s not even living a different life based on the belief in that existence. It’s living your life based on the belief of a powerful and rewarding existence. So many times we go to an extreme with the people of the Bible. They were “oh so holy” or “no different than us.” How about a happy medium? They were just like us in that they too were human, but they were “oh so holy” in that they didn’t allow their humanity to cripple them. Instead, by faith, they allowed a powerful existence to completely absorb their lives and bring a reward none of them could begin to imagine. Our reward isn’t just heaven. Our reward is here and now if we let it be; if we too, live by faith and allow God to reward us. Fully believing that he not only can – but will. Our reward is living a life of faith that has meaning and influence and even so much more. The heroes of the Bible were people; people who lived by faith and believed in a God powerful enough to reward them. They lived in expectancy of reward and that, dear friends, is what made then exceptional. If we are to please God, we can’t stop at believing he exists. I can believe Santa exists. What is the point in believing in God if we don’t also believe that he is powerful and rewarding? You guys, we have GOT to get this or we cripple ourselves! The phrase “by faith” is used 18 times in the span of 29 verses. I think God thinks it’s important. Please don’t hear me condemning. This is something I’m working on too. But I truly believe that we have got to stop listening to the world and dumbing our God down to its standards. We have got to leave the world behind and live in faith, giving the God we claim room to be powerful – room to be God. I want to close with Hebrews 11: 15-16 – “If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.”
Brothers and sisters in Christ, I beg you, let us live in the knowledge that the God we claim is powerful beyond our imagination and that in that power, he bestows rewards on us who will follow him. Let us live by faith.
We’ve all heard of and know the “Faith Chapter” or “Hall of Faith,” however you choose to refer to it. But I want to take a minute and ask you: “You’ve heard of it, but do you know it? You know it, but do you understand it?” I can’t remember how many times I’ve heard and read this chapter. For encouragement, for whatever, it’s a wonderful passage of scripture. But this morning, as I was doing my devotion (I’m once again going through Hebrews), I began reading determined not to see the same ‘ole same ‘ole. Encouraging whether it’s your first time to read it or your thousandth, I didn’t want to skim it simply because I could practically quote it. I went in looking for something new. Looking for a lesson – something to learn and grow from. Looking for something I hadn’t seen yet. And here is what I saw:
Verse six is probably just as well known a verse as verse one: “And without faith it is impossible to please him, for everyone who would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.” Ok. That’s simple enough. “Without faith it is impossible to please him…” Well unless you have faith, you won’t believe and have no reason to please, so, of course… and it continues into the next part of the verse: “…for everyone who would draw near to God must believe that he exists…” how do you get closer to something you don’t believe exists? Pause. Ok. That’s easy. That’s understandable. As humans, I think we have that part down pat. You believe or you don’t and based on whether or not you believe, you will do different things with your life. You will try to please God or you won’t care. As Christians, we’re covered to this point. Obviously, we believe and, hopefully, that belief would inspire a desire to please the one we believe in. But unfortunately, I think that this is where a lot of us stop. “Ok. There’s a God. I believe in him and I’m going to do my best to please him with my life. But if it’s inconvenient, then, well we’ll see – I’ll just do my best. I mean, he can’t ask for more, right?” And we live our lives. Our “best” consists of: “Thank you for this food and protect my family” and “Shoot! I forgot to read my Bible today! Oh well, I’ll read Psalm 23 and he’ll be happy I read his word, then I can go to bed!” and we never actually live for him. Or maybe – maybe we get the prayer and Bible reading thing down. “Oh ya! I pray first thing after waking up and even through the whole day and don’t forget that hour long devotion/journal session I had this morning! Yep! God got a good deal on me!” But the truth is that even though we’re talking to him, we’re not listening to him. Our Bible reading is just that – reading – and we’re not actually working to apply anything that we might have seen. We’re not actually reading with the intention of finding a lesson, we’re just writing our own little commentary about the Bible and occasionally think, “Huh, that’s really cool,” but forget about it as soon as the journal closes. Or maybe we’ve allowed God to infiltrate our life but we don’t exactly understand what that means. Honestly – I’ve been in all three of those stages. Currently, I’m in the last. Desiring for God to consume my life, but hesitant with the question of “How much do I let him have?” See, the Bible makes it very clear that God’s ways are not our ways. And I can tell you right now that some of the most obvious times that I’ve seen God work in and through me have been when I was doing something so off the wall that I myself would have never contemplated going there. I’m reminded of Paul saying “If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you.” in 2 Corinthians 5:13. See Hebrews 11:6 goes beyond pleasing God and believing in him. It continues: “AND that he rewards those who seek him.” Now stop for a moment. Do you actually believe that God rewards you? I think that a lot of us think “after all I’ve done and he’s already done, I don’t deserve to be rewarded.” And we would be right. But I’m not talking about us. I’m talking about him. See it’s not our call what he does and doesn’t give us. We can certainly ask for certain gifts and we can certainly refuse to use the gifts he gives us, but I want to take this beyond even that.
“Do you believe God has the power to reward you?” Really. Because according to this verse, you must not only believe that he exists, but you must believe that he rewards. And if you believe that he rewards, then why aren’t you looking for them? Why are you content to sit and passively accept what has been given you as enough rather than getting up and seeking out the rewards he has promised? And don’t tell me it’s because you’re humble. That’s manure. God is saying right here, in this itty bitty verse, a key that I think a lot of us, myself included, have missed. Christianity isn’t just about believing in God and living your life so that you’re not in too much trouble with him when you die. Christianity is about believing in a POWERFUL God who not only exists, but permeates every part of our being with himself and overflows us with rewards. I’ve heard so many people ask “Why does God let so and so happen?” Maybe it’s because we refuse to believe he’s powerful enough to use us, so we refuse him access. God REWARDS those who seek him. Faith isn’t just believing in an existence, guys. It’s not even living a different life based on the belief in that existence. It’s living your life based on the belief of a powerful and rewarding existence. So many times we go to an extreme with the people of the Bible. They were “oh so holy” or “no different than us.” How about a happy medium? They were just like us in that they too were human, but they were “oh so holy” in that they didn’t allow their humanity to cripple them. Instead, by faith, they allowed a powerful existence to completely absorb their lives and bring a reward none of them could begin to imagine. Our reward isn’t just heaven. Our reward is here and now if we let it be; if we too, live by faith and allow God to reward us. Fully believing that he not only can – but will. Our reward is living a life of faith that has meaning and influence and even so much more. The heroes of the Bible were people; people who lived by faith and believed in a God powerful enough to reward them. They lived in expectancy of reward and that, dear friends, is what made then exceptional. If we are to please God, we can’t stop at believing he exists. I can believe Santa exists. What is the point in believing in God if we don’t also believe that he is powerful and rewarding? You guys, we have GOT to get this or we cripple ourselves! The phrase “by faith” is used 18 times in the span of 29 verses. I think God thinks it’s important. Please don’t hear me condemning. This is something I’m working on too. But I truly believe that we have got to stop listening to the world and dumbing our God down to its standards. We have got to leave the world behind and live in faith, giving the God we claim room to be powerful – room to be God. I want to close with Hebrews 11: 15-16 – “If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.”
Brothers and sisters in Christ, I beg you, let us live in the knowledge that the God we claim is powerful beyond our imagination and that in that power, he bestows rewards on us who will follow him. Let us live by faith.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Just another day...
Breathe in...breathe out....
It's just another day here. Yet what is "another day?" We take life so carelessly sometimes. When was the last time you slowed down and noticed the things that you walk past a thousand times a day and take for granted?
This past week was really good for me. It was the first steady week of my whole summer. Ironically, it's also been one of the craziest. I've had so many different things going on from kids I work with, to the people I work with; from the girls I counsel, to the people who counsel me; from my friends, to my family, to fighting myself; from working one job, to setting up another; and from my personal life, to school. I don't think there's and angle of me that hasn't been hit HARD this summer. And yet in the craziest moments of it all - I blanked out. I stopped thinking. I got so caught up in the stress that I forgot to remember the simplicity of life. That this is temporal and that I will make it through. Thankfully, that's what good friends are for - giving you a swift kick in the pants. Just pray you listen to them! ;)
So I guess I'm writing this just to remind you what I myself forgot for a while - enjoy life. Because no matter what it throws at you, with God on your side, you will make it through. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers! I'm doing so much better and I'm remembering to notice the little gift from God in each day. God bless!
It's just another day here. Yet what is "another day?" We take life so carelessly sometimes. When was the last time you slowed down and noticed the things that you walk past a thousand times a day and take for granted?
This past week was really good for me. It was the first steady week of my whole summer. Ironically, it's also been one of the craziest. I've had so many different things going on from kids I work with, to the people I work with; from the girls I counsel, to the people who counsel me; from my friends, to my family, to fighting myself; from working one job, to setting up another; and from my personal life, to school. I don't think there's and angle of me that hasn't been hit HARD this summer. And yet in the craziest moments of it all - I blanked out. I stopped thinking. I got so caught up in the stress that I forgot to remember the simplicity of life. That this is temporal and that I will make it through. Thankfully, that's what good friends are for - giving you a swift kick in the pants. Just pray you listen to them! ;)
So I guess I'm writing this just to remind you what I myself forgot for a while - enjoy life. Because no matter what it throws at you, with God on your side, you will make it through. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers! I'm doing so much better and I'm remembering to notice the little gift from God in each day. God bless!
Friday, June 25, 2010
From the Mouths of Babes
:) I can't do anything but smile.
I've been working at a camp over the past three weeks and have another four before the summer's over. Long story short - it's been hard. About fifteen minutes ago I was so worn - not just mentally and physically, but spiritually. Dealing with hard work situations, lack of personal care, and girls who have hard questions has drained me to the point where, honestly, I have wanted to quit. It has seemed like one thing after another and every time it began to feel like I was getting my head above water the next thing would hit harder than the thing before it. I have felt little encouragement from those around me and haven't been helping myself by staying as firmly in the word as I should. Honestly - the last thing I expected was to get encouragement from the one place that I am all but worn through and literally hanging on by a thread in. After a solid week of children, I find myself spending my "off" time babysitting. Lol - I know. Not exactly relaxing. But they're good kids - they really are. Despite that thought - it's still working after working. But when little Hailey came up to me and asked to show me something, I thought I was going to once more put a smile on my face and nod sweetly - instead, I found myself amazed at the purity of a child's heart. What she wanted to share and shared with me were two songs she had written. Songs she had written for and about God. I found my heart warmed, refreshed, and for the life of me - a much desired ray of sunlight finally breaking through the crust I had felt beginning to surround my heart. And in that moment, I my heart changed from beaten to hopeful. I wanted to share little Hailey's songs with you. I hope the innocence of her sweet love for God touches you as it did me.
Psalm 8:2 - "From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise."
I've been working at a camp over the past three weeks and have another four before the summer's over. Long story short - it's been hard. About fifteen minutes ago I was so worn - not just mentally and physically, but spiritually. Dealing with hard work situations, lack of personal care, and girls who have hard questions has drained me to the point where, honestly, I have wanted to quit. It has seemed like one thing after another and every time it began to feel like I was getting my head above water the next thing would hit harder than the thing before it. I have felt little encouragement from those around me and haven't been helping myself by staying as firmly in the word as I should. Honestly - the last thing I expected was to get encouragement from the one place that I am all but worn through and literally hanging on by a thread in. After a solid week of children, I find myself spending my "off" time babysitting. Lol - I know. Not exactly relaxing. But they're good kids - they really are. Despite that thought - it's still working after working. But when little Hailey came up to me and asked to show me something, I thought I was going to once more put a smile on my face and nod sweetly - instead, I found myself amazed at the purity of a child's heart. What she wanted to share and shared with me were two songs she had written. Songs she had written for and about God. I found my heart warmed, refreshed, and for the life of me - a much desired ray of sunlight finally breaking through the crust I had felt beginning to surround my heart. And in that moment, I my heart changed from beaten to hopeful. I wanted to share little Hailey's songs with you. I hope the innocence of her sweet love for God touches you as it did me.
Hailey’s Songs
Prayer Song
We are specially and wonderfully made.
He said we are His greatest creations.
Keep me still and hear my prayer.
I call upon You and You hear me.
Keep me still and I will listen to You.
You are all I have and You say I am wonderfully made.
Keep me still and call on me.
God Is
God is, God is, God is,
God is faithful.
He keeps His promises and loves me so.
God is, God is, God is,
God is the Maker.
He made me wonderfully and remarkably made.
He is the King of all and faithful and wonderfully made.
He keeps me up and loves me.
Psalm 8:2 - "From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise."
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Helpless Hero
Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you are able to be nothing more than sheerly frustrated? You can't be indignant and you can't be apathetic. You're just... frustrated.
I have two of these exact situations in the past two days. It's enough to make me scream.
Ok - backing up. Explanation:
Situation 1: My cousin recently came to visit our family for a week. She's been on my heart over the past year especially as we are the same age and in the same stage of life, spreading our wings and trying to figure life out. We have a blast together! The thing that weighs on me is that she is not a Christian. God burdened my heart for her and I have prayed for strength and opportunity to talk to her about it. I was so excited when, as a part of my training for leadership team at my church, I went through an evangelism training. It was perfect for sharing in an already established relationship. I felt ready. She came down Sunday. Since then I have continued to pray and look for opportunity. Last night, I felt "opportunity" got as good as it was going to get and asked her about her Religions class at school. She threw out what little she remembered. Mostly from the other text book in the class - not the Bible - then quickly shut me down explaining that we were "just different." Now, I'm not about to deny this. We couldn't be MORE different. But where was I to go from there? The problem is - we ARE so different. How am I suppose to share something that literally requires her to change every aspect of her life then send her back to the exact same self destructive environment as before and ask her take my word for it? I know that with God all things are possible, but how on earth... I mean WHAT on earth... am I suppose to do? It was so - frustrating.
Situation 2: I love my neighbors beyond words. It's hard to know such sweet people for four years and not love them. And they're right there! Our relationship with them is what America use to be like - what it should be like. We knew them before they even had their two daughters they have now. We watch them so much that they're basically my sisters even though we aren't blood related. I wouldn't hesitate going out of my way for them. Not a second. They weren't "religious" when we first became close. But having children does something to you. It makes you think more to the future - and statistically - more people become "religious" after they have their first child. My neighbors were no different. I had been praying for them ever since we became close, but began in earnest when they found out they were pregnant. I prayed til my heart broke that God would use this baby to bring them to Him. I don't think I was unclear... and I know God didn't make a mistake... but my heart shattered as they came to visit one day all lit up about how they had found a church that morning. "It's even right here in the neighborhood!" she beaming. I was SO happy - until I realized she was speaking of the Mormon Temple on the other side of the subdivision. I quickly informed God of His mistake. I continued praying. To my shame - not as faithfully as before, but still with the same sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach and the same wrench in my heart that threatened tears no matter where I was. (And I don't cry in public!) That was three years ago. Today their oldest daughter came over so her mom could have some down time while the dad was gone. Where was he? "Missionary" training. For the second day in a row I shut everything down to try to think through what was going on before I did something unchecked. And I was back at that same - disabling feeling of frustration.
So what is it? What am I to do?
I have the only information that will ever matter. The information they need. The information that will change eternity - good or bad. I am a hero. I have what they can't begin to imagine they need.
And yet here I am - nearly four years into close relationship with both cases - and they still don't get it. They still don't know. They still won't listen. I still can't approach it.
The clock ticks on. It's not waiting for me. It's not waiting for them. It doesn't care. I'm helpless. And time is doing nothing but gaining downhill speed fast.
So I'm frustrated. More aware of it now, but frustrated just the same everyday. I wake up a hero and go to bed hopeless. My cousin sleeps below me in the bunk bed and my neighbors are not a hundred yards across the street.
I believe in the power of prayer. And I'm not going to stop praying. But for now - I just feel like a helpless hero.
I have two of these exact situations in the past two days. It's enough to make me scream.
Ok - backing up. Explanation:
Situation 1: My cousin recently came to visit our family for a week. She's been on my heart over the past year especially as we are the same age and in the same stage of life, spreading our wings and trying to figure life out. We have a blast together! The thing that weighs on me is that she is not a Christian. God burdened my heart for her and I have prayed for strength and opportunity to talk to her about it. I was so excited when, as a part of my training for leadership team at my church, I went through an evangelism training. It was perfect for sharing in an already established relationship. I felt ready. She came down Sunday. Since then I have continued to pray and look for opportunity. Last night, I felt "opportunity" got as good as it was going to get and asked her about her Religions class at school. She threw out what little she remembered. Mostly from the other text book in the class - not the Bible - then quickly shut me down explaining that we were "just different." Now, I'm not about to deny this. We couldn't be MORE different. But where was I to go from there? The problem is - we ARE so different. How am I suppose to share something that literally requires her to change every aspect of her life then send her back to the exact same self destructive environment as before and ask her take my word for it? I know that with God all things are possible, but how on earth... I mean WHAT on earth... am I suppose to do? It was so - frustrating.
Situation 2: I love my neighbors beyond words. It's hard to know such sweet people for four years and not love them. And they're right there! Our relationship with them is what America use to be like - what it should be like. We knew them before they even had their two daughters they have now. We watch them so much that they're basically my sisters even though we aren't blood related. I wouldn't hesitate going out of my way for them. Not a second. They weren't "religious" when we first became close. But having children does something to you. It makes you think more to the future - and statistically - more people become "religious" after they have their first child. My neighbors were no different. I had been praying for them ever since we became close, but began in earnest when they found out they were pregnant. I prayed til my heart broke that God would use this baby to bring them to Him. I don't think I was unclear... and I know God didn't make a mistake... but my heart shattered as they came to visit one day all lit up about how they had found a church that morning. "It's even right here in the neighborhood!" she beaming. I was SO happy - until I realized she was speaking of the Mormon Temple on the other side of the subdivision. I quickly informed God of His mistake. I continued praying. To my shame - not as faithfully as before, but still with the same sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach and the same wrench in my heart that threatened tears no matter where I was. (And I don't cry in public!) That was three years ago. Today their oldest daughter came over so her mom could have some down time while the dad was gone. Where was he? "Missionary" training. For the second day in a row I shut everything down to try to think through what was going on before I did something unchecked. And I was back at that same - disabling feeling of frustration.
So what is it? What am I to do?
I have the only information that will ever matter. The information they need. The information that will change eternity - good or bad. I am a hero. I have what they can't begin to imagine they need.
And yet here I am - nearly four years into close relationship with both cases - and they still don't get it. They still don't know. They still won't listen. I still can't approach it.
The clock ticks on. It's not waiting for me. It's not waiting for them. It doesn't care. I'm helpless. And time is doing nothing but gaining downhill speed fast.
So I'm frustrated. More aware of it now, but frustrated just the same everyday. I wake up a hero and go to bed hopeless. My cousin sleeps below me in the bunk bed and my neighbors are not a hundred yards across the street.
I believe in the power of prayer. And I'm not going to stop praying. But for now - I just feel like a helpless hero.
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