Dr. Seuss' Map

‎"Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you."- Dr. Seuss

Why so often, do I go looking for who I am when the answer is just ME? Why do I feel so inadequate that I plan out a journey to discover myself, when I already AM? All too often I get so caught up in discovering who I am as a person that I forget I already AM as a person. I look for adventure and anything to answer part of my question while the very answer I'm seeking travels with me every step I search. I'm so intent on finding the answer that I fail to see - I AM the answer.
I look everywhere! I look in other people's views of me- friends, family, and nobodies alike. I look in the world's standard of a person. I look in author's representations of the "perfect person" or "perfect Christian." I look at magazines, websites, friend networking sites, ANYTHING! So often I feel like I've traveled the world again and again, seeking who it is I am and who I'm suppose to be, all the while I have been and continue to be. All the while, if I'd stop looking and see - I'd get my answer.
Maybe it won't be the answer I want. Maybe it won't look how I'd like. But the answer doesn't have to be stagnate. In fact - if the answer WERE stagnate life would be over. The sheer fact that the answer will grow and change is the very evidence that I am alive!
I've spent my life looking for life - all the while having it and wasting it. Life is as I am. I've spent so much time making sure I took every proper step that I haven't gotten anywhere. I've spent my life breathing and trying to figure out why I can't see oxygen instead of using the fact that - it works!- and running with it.
I've spent my life looking for me instead of being me.
I don't want that anymore. And step by step - I'm going to try to live. To be me. The me I am. And maybe keep in my head a little of Dr. Seuss' advice... "there is no one alive who is youer than you."

This New Life

Something amazing has happened! Something so wonderful I really can't use words to express it. Over these past few weeks - and really even months, I have learned so much. Though often times the lessons were painful they have changed me in a way I wouldn't give up for the world. I haven't been the only one who thought so either, thankfully. :) I've had several people look at me and say "Meagan, something's different..." I'm so glad to know that it is a visible change! I've been gentler, more patient, and even HAPPY! It's wonderful! I'm taking time to just enjoy life and I'm loving it! Haha!
But no change comes without reason. Unfortunately a change for the better means that there is a change FROM the worse. (And while not all changes are for the better if they ARE they're changing from the worse.) Every person has a history as every story has a background. And many aren't proud of their pasts. Despite that, they simultaneously try to hold on to that past. This is the place I was stuck at. I knew that I was forgiven and tried living my life accordingly but for some reason couldn't manage to get myself out of my past and move on. Because of this I've always been wary of anytime I WAS happy because I knew it was only temporary as my guilt and depression would come back after the moment was over. I was so resigned to this fact that I got to the point were I didn't even try to fight it anymore.
When I first noticed this change about three weeks ago I was hesitant at first. But my joy didn't leave and after about the first week and a half I began accepting it - hoping it would last. I began to get use it it - even embracing and desiring it. Another week and a half past and I headed home for the Labor Day weekend when I started realizing that it had been three weeks and started wondering when something was going to give.
I was in church this morning when I realized several things that made me glow with praise to my heavenly Father. I realized that probably one of the greatest contributing factors to this (aside from all the lessons I've learned recently and tried to maintain and apply) was that I had prayed to God to give me a new heart acknowledging that while I knew I was forgiven, I still felt a if I had the same old heart. Second, I had a face to face with Satan. It was as if, in the middle of church, Satan had walked right up to me and said: "I'm sorry, but you need to come back with me. You know everything you've done. You know you're not fit to be here. Just come with me know and there won't be a fuss." And it dawned on me. For the first time - I remembered my request for a new heart and it fell into place. I claimed my association with Christ telling Satan that Christ had "pulled my out of the miry clay and set my feet upon a rock." I told Satan "I am a new person with a new heart. You no longer have any sway over me. I have a past, but it's not who I am anymore - I'm different - completely different - I'm new. I don't have to go back with you and I don't want to! I have nothing to say to you. If you want me to go back with you - you're going to have to talk to HIM *pointing in Christ's direction* - not me!" Christ walked up behind me at the invitation gently placing His arm protectively around my waist. Satan looked at us. With a twinge of frustration and defeat evident on his face he turned and walked away - silent. I was stuck with the realization that for so long, I had chosen to staying my muck and mire - only God know why! Then again, HE probably didn't even get it - He just waited - patiently, gently wooing me despite my determination to stop my ears to him.
I've decided that "Safe" by Britt Nicole is Jesus' and my song. :)



I use to think that I couldn't have a testimony because I never had the chance to do anything really that bad... I knew I was forgiven, but I didn't know how to go beyond that. I held myself to the mire of my past. But now - now I see that Christ is not only my Lord, but He truly is my Savior as well. He "set my feet upon the rock, and now I know, I love Him, I need Him. Though my world may fall, I'll never let Him go. He's my Savior and my closest friend. I will worship Him until the very end."



I realized over these past few months and am just now able to put it into words: I've spent my whole life chasing dreams that were suppose to give me joy, but they kept escaping me. Now I've come to a place where I've handed over my dreams to God and found a joy I can't escape. Cliche'? Maybe. But does it make it less true if it's said with belief and meaning? Because I'm living proof that the above "cliche'" is true.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow. To Him be the glory, and honor, and praise forevermore. Amen.

Walk on the Water - Britt Nicole

Wow. <3

Called to be.... comfortable?!?

If the title didn't make you cringe... politely put - something's wrong with you! But really, that's basically what I've been working on for the past while now. I realized over the summer just how much stock I put in being "safe" and being "comfortable" (even as backward as my versions of those are compared to normal humanity...) when Jesus never called me as His disciple to be either. So often I get caught up in being the "princess daughter" of God that I forget that I am also a disciple. One of the biggest stereotypes of royalty that I know at least I have is that royal persons sit in over sized, velvet plush throne-chairs (to me "throne" just sounds so uncomfortable - so I will call it a "throne-chair") :) and order others about. I tend to forget just all that actually goes in to the privilege of sitting on that lush seat - all the concern standardly implied by that position. To paraphrase Prince Philip from Princess of Thieves, "A King is expected to do something ABOUT them!" (referring to dealing with war, taxes and plague). Well... I'm a princess, right? Then doesn't that mean I should be doing something about the world's condition in the name of my Father, the King, not just sitting around fantasizing about princes and worried about peas...? I think it does!
So often I find myself guilty of focusing on the "peas" of life - my comfort and future security, that I forget the "peasants" in my charge - those who have not heard the gospel and even those who have and need discipleship! The funny thing is - I've noticed that whenever I'm focused on my "peas" - I'm not happy. Ok - so that's not so much funny as it is eye opening...
Maybe... maybe this phenomenon happens, and just maybe this unrest stems, from the fact that I'M NOT SUPPOSE TO BE COMFORTABLE!
If I'm called to be like Jesus - He had no place to lay His head...
If I'm called to be like Jesus - He didn't have a back up plan...
If I'm called to be like Jesus - He had a heart for people not security...
If I'm called to be like Jesus - He went smack into the middle of situations that the "holy people" of His day avoided and were made uncomfortable by...
If I'm called to be like Jesus - (and I am) why don't I look like Him?
This next statement may or may not surprise you, but we are ALL called to INTENSE mission work! We are all called to live our lives - every moment in a RADICAL way. A way SO different from the world and compromise that they look at us and wonder why we're so different. Maybe, for you, this isn't across the globe. I honestly think the harder battle is here. At home. It makes me think back to a book I just finished that basically said "if we can't be Jesus to our families - why should others believe us?" Yikes! I know so many times I put on a "Jesus face" for the world and strip it faster than nail polish remover does varnish when I'm around my family! But that's just it, isn't it? Jesus doesn't call us to wear a "face" - He asks us to have a LIFESTYLE. A lifestyle that follows His example - a PERFECT example. A lifestyle that points people to the King with every action we do. A lifestyle that, perhaps more than we think, isn't easy and isn't meant to be comfortable...
So how are you doing? Are you enjoying your throne-chair? If I can just say one thing - we could sure use the help in the field. I know it's not easy, I KNOW it's not comfortable, but based on His promise - I promise you it's WORTH IT! What do you say we start getting out of our comfort zone and truly wear the name we claim?

Somewhere Between the Altar and the Door

How many times has a second guess been long enough to kill the mission?
Ya, ya, ya - I know... I'll clarify. Ok, how about this:
How many times have I "thought better" and settled because of it. Seeds of doubt are a horrible thing to have to fight because they are in your head- you can't fight them with normal tactics- it's a mind game. The problem that I have continually encountered and seen so many other Christians stumble because of is just that: doubt. There are so many ways to go with this - so many "sermons" I could preach. But that's not what I want to do. I don't even know what I want to say, I just want it to resinate in a way that greatly reduces the victories Satan "wins" because of our doubt.
The account of Peter walking on water comes to my mind. I once heard it pointed out that Peter didn't doubt Jesus when he began sinking - rather he realized exactly what it was he was doing, then realizing that it wasn't physically possible, doubted and began to sink. How many times as Christians do we "get smart" with God and even when we're not 100% sure exactly HOW (and I'm sure that's more often than not), we're suppose to "walk by faith and not by sight" (2Cor5:7). I was confessing doubt to my mentor, explaining to her that I had begun really thinking about what it was I felt God calling me to do and all of a sudden I felt SO inadequate and a bunch of "what if's" rushed me. She countered with "We're all inadequate. Besides, if we were adequate, wouldn't that be pride?" She went on to cover that, of course, there's a difference between having a gift and using it and being adequate. Some things we can do adequately because we are good at them, but that's not all we're called to do. Ultimately, it's God doing the work, anyway, right? So... 1)Why are we worried about being adequate, because 2) God's not going to let something HE wills with HIS name on it fall flat on the ground because He didn't come through. That's just goofy. And sadly, a lot of times, this is what my "reasoning" boils down to. I'm reminded of one of my favorite poems. Here's a snippet, see what you think:

"We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous, (used by God)?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
...
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us."


-Marianne Williamson *(added by me)

If you call yourself a Christian- you are a child of God. Do you get that?! You! Son/Daughter of GOD! Why then are we so afraid of doubt? Why then do we allow doubt to have such and immobilizing grip on us? We have the power to fight back - to WIN - if we would just take advantage of it! If we truly are who we say we are - why don't we act like it, and maybe, just maybe, show doubt the door.

The Lifetime of a Moment

This is a post, I wrote while at camp this summer, but wasn't able to put on here until now...

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The Lifetime of a Moment

I was walking across campus tonight and noticed that the night sky was unusually bright. It was perfect. For any of you who know me, that’s a HUGE hug from God to me. I love it.

My mind wandered to the girls I’m working with this week. Two of them are unsaved and one has managed to test me in every way possible – and it’s only day one! Day one of week six! It’s incredible to believe how long it’s been, I’ve never been much of a summer girl, so the fact that I’m working through my summer to the effect of basically not having one hasn’t really bothered me. But on week six, it’s finally hitting. I’m realizing that, selfishly, I’d kinda like a break that lasted longer than two days split over three. I look around and I see my fellow workers reading books and carrying on much desperately desired adult conversation while their children play, contentedly enough, a few yards away. My own fleshly desires scream to join them and right when I decide it’s really ok if I “slack” a little (I mean this is a DESERVED slack if anything EVER was!) My sweet little trouble child runs up, tackling me in a hug and voicing yet another complaint. I don’t know whether to smother her in an instinctive embrace or scream because she’s about put me at wit’s end! I struggle with coddling and providing the love she’s crying out for and shooting down her incessant whining. How do I show God’s love while refusing to permit a negative environment? I wish I could just grab a book and tell her to go play. But this is a moment – handed to me on a silver tray. Yes, it’s week six. Yes, if it’s possible I “deserve” a break. But it hits me and I realize: every moment I take for me, I take FROM her. From this precious treasure I’ve been given for the short span of four days spread over five. Every moment I take for me – I steal from her. Time stands still like it does with the literal and actual realization of every moment. Like when you realize right after “I do” that you’re actually married. Like when you see your child’s face for the first time and realize there’s no going back. Like the instant the headlights are all you see and the next moment is black. The realizations that make you catch your breath.

Now, I’m not talking about self-negligence. I’ll be the first to tell you that you can’t help others if you haven’t taken care of yourself. But think about it. The chance to take advantage of every moment and change a life for eternity! WOW! What an opportunity! What an honor! And yet we live our lives waiting for the “moment of a lifetime!” while the lifetime of each moment passes us steadily by. I hug her back and manage some sort of effort at turning her thoughts to positive things using godly reasoning. My flesh rolls its eyes and I am reminded that I am called to walk in the Spirit and not of my own strength. I call on Him and set my book down. I’ve been given the privilege of modeling and presenting the most important thing in the world to these girls and I have less than a week to do it. And I’ve been given the privilege of seeing the lifetime of a moment.

“Do not grow weary in doing what is right for in due time we will reap the reward if we faint not.” ~Gal 6:9

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Two days later, my precious little girl accepted Christ as her personal "boss and rescuer" <3>

What's the Difference?

So... after an amazing summer (I hope to post a blog that I scribbled down during this past summer later) I am glad to say I've learned a lot. As great as that is, the biggest lesson I learned is that if I don't actively apply the lessons I learn, they might as well have never have happened. Duh! Ya - I know. But how many of us live that? It makes sense - it's a head knowledge - but what's the difference? If I actually believe it - what's the difference? How am I any different than anyone else? How are my standards, morals, actions, motives - how is my lifestyle - any different? And what's the point of believing something if it doesn't change who I am?

What's the difference?

I was discussing this with a friend toward the end of the summer posing the question "what's the difference" and they replied with something I hadn't even thought of: "One's a liar."

Huh! So not only am I smudging what God would have me to be when I am suppose to be the light of the world and sharing the truth - I'm flat out LYING if I don't follow "I'm a Christian" with God's desire for my lifestyle. At least they aren't claiming to be something they're not... Ouch! That hit me hard this summer. I was around over 1000 girls this summer who all knew that I am a Christian -and I was made sharply aware of the fact that they were looking at me to see what exactly that meant. The amazing responsibility and opportunity that placed before me was overwhelming in the best of ways. It challenged me to step up my game and live what I claim. It challenged me to be different - truly different - not just in word but in lifestyle. I hope with all that is in me that I am able to rise to the challenge and represent Jesus Christ faithfully. I hope to be different.