Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Savior



Life can become a lot to handle. I'm glad to remember I don't have to handle it alone.

Monday, April 4, 2011

You're Gonna Miss This

Don't spend your life wishing it away.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

"My Father Knows"

"And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things and your Father knows you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you. Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom." - Luke 12: 29-32


Father,

When I let the pressures and stresses of life overwhelm me I forget You. I forget that you are my loving Father who cares for me. I forget that You are my intimate lover who misses me. I forget that You are my Almighty God who empowers me. I fail to call on You, choosing instead to focus on my troubles at hand and for that am overpowered by them. I forget that you were once a man. I forget that you know the trials of everyday life. I forget that you know ME. You understand what I'm going through. What I'm fighting with. What weighs me down. You know. And all I need to do is look away from my struggles and look to You. You protect me. You strengthen me. You raise me up. You set me right. You take my hand. You prepare my path. May I no longer be intimidated to approach you because of my failures. May I truly believe in your love for me. That you want what's best for me. That you want me to succeed. May I remember that You will not take advantage of me or laugh at my weakness. You will not hold over my head that I am inadequate to face life on my own. You will not gloat that I need you but rather rejoice that You can be of service. You take pleasure in protecting and providing for me. When satan whispers lies of doubt may I remember the purity of Your character and always choose You. May I never doubt Your faithfulness. Your providence. Your favor. Your love. May I remember it's not about me - it's about You. May I remember who you truly are. "God. Is. Love. And perfect love, casts out fear."

Amen.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Eden

I love walking barefoot. I love the feel of the cool grass between my toes. I can't help but think that's how God meant it to be. And each step I make takes me closer to Eden.

Friday, March 25, 2011

The Bigger Picture

I have a certain affinity in my heart for those in the military. Being raised as a military BRAT this should come as no surprise. There's something about being a member of the Armed Forces- even if only as a dependent. It's a family - something bigger than just one person.
All too frequently I find myself getting caught up in the irritations of the everyday grind. My focus becomes narrow and my world shrinks. My focus becomes me and I become depressed. There so much to do and so little time - how am I ever to enjoy myself? It's a rapidly descending downward spiral.
This is why I firmly believe that as humans we NEED to believe in something bigger than ourselves in order to be truly happy. I mean think about it - if life in its essence were only about you - that would be one of the most boring and the most depressing reasons for existence ever! I couldn't live in the day to day grind under the belief that it was all about me. And when I do, I'm miserable.
My childhood wasn't the easiest or most smooth of childhoods. I had my bumps and bruises. Frequently my father, who was in the military, was gone on TDY or had to work night shifts while my mother covered more slack than I will ever realize existed. Too often I become ungrateful to them for the "lack of their presence" while I was growing up. In truth - they really weren't as absent as I sometimes make them out to be in my head. Oh, they were gone frequently - don't get me wrong, but they always strove to be there and they weren't gone half as often as some kids parents. Nor were they absent simply because they didn't want me or my sisters. They were gone for a bigger purpose.
I seemed to understand this well enough in my childhood. But as I grew older it seems I forgot to be as thankful for my parents and all the hard work they put in to that bigger picture.
For my parents - their bigger picture was two-fold- their country and their God. They both sacrificed themselves and their desires to these pictures. My father's twenty-two years of service in the United States Air Force demanded much of him. He served his country to the best of his ability, making hard decisions and sticking by to see them through. His devotion to God was just as fervent. As a leader in every church we ever attended, both my parents spare time was filled with mentoring those younger who sought godly direction. It was not uncommon for me to walk into our living room during the afternoon to see someone on our couch crying and asking my mom for advice. These two devotions kept them busy - but they did their best and they were never "absent."
More than anything they ever did for anyone else, however, was what they did for my two sisters and me - and that is lead by example. Sure, I didn't realize it at the time, but I'm realizing it now. For a while I was confused by their methods, but now I believe I'm beginning to see a bit more clearly. My parents - through their belief in the bigger picture - taught me to believe in one as well. I am not serving in the military. While my heart will always be with them, for now, that is not where I am suppose to be. For now, my bigger picture is simply, God. (And I'm not the best at that one yet, but I'm working on it.)
Honestly - this is the best and most important bigger picture to have- it is foundational. But beyond that, there are a million other pictures to see. And the value in living for something bigger than yourself is indescribable. It is freeing when life isn't about you. When you start feeling bogged down by life, take a step back and find your bigger picture- what is valuable enough to you that you will devote yourself to it? When you find your bigger picture, I guarantee it will lift your spirits.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

My Cry

God? Are you there? Can you hear me?
I hate when I do this. When I get "busy."
I hate when I walk away. When I stop listening.
My soul longs for you and I ignore it. My soul years for you and I shut it up.
It's not that I've been bad about seeking you - I just haven't period recently.
I look for answers from you- but I don't have/take the time to listen. I just try to use you.
And I wonder why I hate my life as of late!
So I've become what I despise.
I miss you. I miss being close to you. I miss our fellowship.
Do you hate me? Are you disappointed? I feel like you are because I've been listening to the lies that tell me so. You have reason to, you know. Can you forgive me - again?
I don't know where to go. Where to start.
And yet - I feel like this is it. Like now- finally on my knees - I have started when I didn't know how to begin.
So here I am.
Just a human. Standing before her God. Asking if another chance is possible.
Will you forgive me again? Will you hold it against me?



*enters Hope*

Friday, February 25, 2011

Only So Many Hours...

So - I was walking across campus yesterday thinking about how sad it is that the joy of learning has been replaced with the stress of learning. I was thinking about all the things that I would LOVE to learn about - but because society dictates what I must learn - I dread it instead of reveling in it. If I could study all the things I wanted - I'm SURE I'd never graduate! Certainly not with any usful degree to help me survive the world anyway. :( Why do we have to be so competitive. (And don't tell me to do it in my spare time- I don't have spare time! Life's to competitive for that. I almost DO feel like Darwin's survival of the fitest.) >.< Life would be so much more enjoyable if I didn't feel like it was a to-do list. It's like "take these certain classes at these certain times about these certain topics so that you can graduate at this certain time to do what everyone else is clawing to maintain some sort of security in." WOO! That was fun! *please sense heavy sarcasm*
So - enough bashing on school and the confining demands of society for survival. What would I do if I could do what ever I wanted? Well, hmmm... :) I'd LOVE to study:
-Prayer: the entire concept fascinates me! I'd love to take time to actually look at, understand, and study it rather than just do it - assuming what it is. I know what it is in its basics - but I want to understand it so I can appreciate it more.
-Photography: I LOVE looking at it! I love playing with (ie-editing) it! I'd LOVE knowing how to DO it! I had the chance to take a photography class once and I absolutely loved it! (Until I had to drop out in order to take on more volunteer hours to get better scholarships to a college...)
-Reading: I miss the days I could read for pleasure. Now - if I'm not reading for the sake of studying - I get a guilt complex. :(
-Astronomy: the skies have ALWAYS fascinated me! Especially the night sky! I studied a little about astronomy when I was a child but that also faded out when school increased.
-Quilting: ok - so now I'm kinda bleeding over to my "bucket list," but I've wanted to make a quilt for several years now. :)
-Music/Voice: I use to take piano - and hated it. Now I miss it like no one's business! What I wouldn't give to still be able to read music, pick something up, and play it on the piano! Also, I've always dreamed of taking voice. And at some point in my future - hopefully sooner than later - I hope to teach myself guitar. :)
-Nonverbal Communication: it may not be a perfect science (YET!) but I would LOVE to study nonverbal communication and microexpressions. (Yes - Lie to Me is a favorite tv show.) :)
-Shooting/Fencing: The first I've done and I love (though for lack of practice I've drilled bad habits into my style). Fencing, I've always thought would be really fun (Thanks to Lindsy Lohan's "Parent Trap") but have yet to actually try. It's not the highest on my list.

That's all off the top of my head. So yes - I truly am eclectic. :) What about you? If you could study anything you wanted - what's your list? :)

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Why Worry...? Just Trust.

I'm almost ashamed to admit - I'm a worrier. I stress about things - a lot. And when I'm not stressing - I'm stressing about what's going to go wrong next. It's a very bad habit.
Tonight as I was reading my devotion, I was reading about Isaac and Rebekah. Their story always made me smile. It seems so hopeful to me - how they began. As I pondered their story, I began to think about my own life. So much seems to be going on right now. I've gotten to the point where I feel very overwhelmed and, well, stressed. As I was contemplating this, I began to wonder why I was stressing. "Why can't I just let life be good," I asked myself "why do I have to make it stressful?" Even my little daily jump start this morning was about how "God can handle any problem - and that includes yours." I began to laugh at myself. Why worry when I can trust? Why stress when I know that the God of all - has me in His care and cares for me? Too often I get caught in the "big picture" of life as a whole and become overwhelmed that I forget God and I miss living in the moment. It steals my joy. As I continued thinking, God reminded me of one of my FAVORITE passages of scripture and I just wanted to take a second to share it with you. I hope it's as encouraging to you as it is to me! Love in Him, Meag

"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:25-34

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Value in a Reflection

Katie Maurice... It makes me smile whenever I think of this name. She's a sweet, spunky young girl with bright red hair who's incredibly understanding. She knows just how to listen- probably better than anyone you've ever met. When you laugh - she laughs; when you cry - she cries; when you hurt she hurts with you. Often I've found myself envying her sweet ways and personality.

Katie's my oldest friend. I met her when I was about 8 or 9 and we've never lost touch. Proverbs 17:17 says "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity." Katie's definitely been there with me through everything. Our conversations are filled with her challenges to better myself, hold on, or straighten up. Just like anyone else - she's not perfect but her ability to empathize is incomparable and her honesty is sometimes brutal in its truthfulness. Sometimes this is what I need - sometimes it isn't. Her counsel can range from Biblical - to an echo reinforcing my deepest fears. Katie has the ability to build me up or tear me down better than anyone I know. She knows everything about me (all my mess and success)and has no qualms about telling me just what she thinks. Sometimes all I want to do is get her to shut up!

But there's something strange about Katie. Through all her encouragement and consolation - sometimes, when I look in her eyes, what I see scares me. She has an intensity about her that is close to unfathomable. When I look in her eyes and see them darken... when she looks back at me and I know she knows more than I realized... it all but steals my breath. It's almost as if sharing something with her intensifies the experience or emotion I was feeling to begin with. It's almost as if she's telling me "I know you and I can make or break you at my will."
Please don't think ill of her for this! The thing is - she's right. She can.

If there's anything I've learned from Katie it's the dangers of listening to others for my self worth. But more than that- she hasn't just taught me the dangers of listening to others for my self worth - she's teaching me the dangers of listening to ME for my self worth. The reason I know Katie can make or break me faster than anyone is because Katie Maurice, is me.

"I used to pretend that my reflection... was another little girl. I called her Katie Maurice..." ~Anne (from Anne of Green Gables ch. 8)

Friday, January 14, 2011

Second Impressions

Haha. Wow... You know that really guilty feeling you get when you have something happen, you make a snap judgement, and you come to find out later that you're wrong? Not the best feeling in the world (though it can be relieving if you were under a bad impression and it was overturned by a good one.)
I started working a new job and didn't get off on the best foot when I met my immediate supervisor (via miscommunication). I thought is was going to be a mess and I was going to have an awful semester all because of one aspect of my job that I couldn't escape without making a scene.
Thank God for second impressions! I came into work this morning determined to make the best of it despite my poor footing and my supervisor seemed to not remember a thing about my first day. She may still not be the easiest person I work for, but I've come to realize that I made a bad choice when I decided to snap judge and become defensive instead of taking it to the Lord and taking a deep breath.
I firmly believe that if I would stop being so difficult and start learning from other's experiences - maybe I wouldn't run into half the trouble I do! So I share this in hopes that it is helpful or encouraging to you. If not - at least you got a laugh out of my rash faux pas. ;)

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

God is Good

Hey! Well... It's been a while, but don't hate me! I was out of country over Christmas break!

I learned so much and continue to be challenged as I have gotten back and am getting back into the swing of things. Life seem crazy and hectic but promising and calm at the same time. Yes - I realize that's contradictory. I've been going through and continue to go through things that have seemed overwhelming. I've been looking at a lot of changes in a short period of time and I've gotten scared. But when I take a second to slow down, I'm being reminded that my strength- or at least any that I have - comes from God - and soley from Him. You see, sometime's I'm guilty of getting short sighted and I forget God. Sometime's I'm guilty of getting to far sighted and being overwhelmed and I forget God. Sometimes I say I'm praying about it - but I don't truly give it up. How many things have I laid at His feet - only to take them righ tback up when I "left" His presence? How many times have I whined about fighting before I ever actually fought? How many times have I given up before starting and thought I'd be happier if I just quit? How many times have I made myself the victim and God the distant guy in the sky who has too much to worry about to notice me? How many times have I sold myslef short because I listened to Satan instead of listening to God - then blamed God for "not speaking louder than Satan" when in actuality - I'm just not taking time to listen? The answer to all of these, unfortunately, is too often.
Thankfully, God brought a friend back into my life who has offered to team up in accountability with me. I am super excited and greatly look forward to this alliance and re-established friendship. My biggest thing right now is just remembering this - God is good. God is many things and I am thankful for all of them and they are all wonderful. But right now - my focus is working on the daily consciousness that God is good. :) When life is hard- God id good. When life is crazy - God is good. When life is wonderful - God is good. When life just is - God id good. God isn't good because of circumstances - and God isn't good sheerly despite circumstance. God is just... good. And he loves me. And He loves you.
I just wanted to share what I've been working on (or am begining to start working on)in hopes that maybe it would encourage you too. Then I wanted to challenge you a little too: where's God working on you? One thing I've learned and it's gone from my head to my heart - God is active - and if you're not - then you might just want to get to work on that. God is wonderful despite our awareness of it - but it's a lot more helpful/useful if we'd wake ourselves up and be intentionally conscoius of what God's up to.
So - with that, I wish you a happy new year. May it be one in which God draws you closer than ever and reveals Himself in wonderful new ways to you and grows your faith and trust to a whole new level!

In Him,

Meag